were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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