Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
