i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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