It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
