wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
