the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
