Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
