I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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