just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
