hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize