My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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