Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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