I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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