Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize