Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
