Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
