Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
