quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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