OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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