Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
