what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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