when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
