There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
