I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
