i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
