Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
