Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
