I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
