She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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