dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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