New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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