Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Couch. On fire.
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