Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
