I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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