all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am midnight drunk by noon
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
