Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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