Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
