the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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