I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
