____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
