You can't motorboat a personality
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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