ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
