I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
