You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
