Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
