just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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