You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
