If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
