it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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