So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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