people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
