i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just pee around me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
