She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
