You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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