How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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