He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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