We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
