I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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