Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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