Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
