..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize