At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's always time for handjobs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
