i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
