we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
