apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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