Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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