Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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