I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
