Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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