i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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