Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you bring me the toilet please
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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