96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
