All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
