I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
