ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
