I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
