The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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