Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
