would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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