On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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