I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm too high and old for this...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
